Other Quotes About Life

Funny Quotes About Life

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
~ George Carlin

All the things I really like in life are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.
~ Alexander Woollcott

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
~ Tallulah Bankhead

You shouldn't speak until you know what you're talking about. That's why I get uncomfortable with interviews. Reporters ask me what I feel China should do about Tibet. Who cares what I think China should do? I'm a fucking actor! They hand me a script. I act. I'm here for entertainment. Basically, when you whittle everything away, I'm a grown man who puts on makeup.
~ Brad Pitt

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
~ Carrie Fisher

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
~ Dave Barry

It's funny how most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.
~ Jimi Hendrix

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of the Lone Ranger.
~ Dan Rather

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
~ Ann Landers

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
~ Mae West

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
~ Dave Barry

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
~ Wilson Mizner

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
~ Robert A. Heinlein

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
~ Dave Barry

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
~ George Carlin

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then nine times out of ten it will.
~ Paul Harvey